Vampires nowadays, attractive as they are and as much glitter as they disperse in the sunlight – let’s face it – don’t hold a torch to the good ol’ vampire of yore. They have become so diluted from, say, Dracula, that to compare the two might actually be a misstep altogether, like comparing apples to oranges. Just to drive my point home (through the heart, with a stake), here are the characteristics Bram Stoker bestows upon his Count in Dracula: he’s a “tall, old man” sporting a white moustache; he has a thin nose and domed forehead, bushy eyebrows and likewise bushy hair; topped off with ruddy lips, protruding sharp teeth, and a “broad and strong” chin. Suffice it to say he is decidedly not the stuff of most people’s dreams. This disparity is what McDoniel takes as his starting point before leaping off into the ether with it.
An Unattractive Vampire is a fun read, if neither for the plot nor the style of writing, then for the tone of the entire novel and just in appreciation of the fact that it exists and that it has been published. McDoniel is satire at its (best/worst, you take your pick: if Swift’s A Modest Proposal is more your fix, you might view this as an example of the worst someone could possibly have done with satire in the whole of human existence – personally, I think both have their merits): he stretches the word limit of Swift’s modest essay into an entire, wholly self-cognizant and entirely self-mocking novel. Complete with snarky footnotes, used with great success due to the structure of the entire novel, it’s hard to take seriously from the start. Which is exactly why I’m saying it might be satire at its best: readers literally cannot fail to notice the joke! At that point though, is it no longer satire, having transformed into snark? But that’s another can of worms*.
Unfortunately – or then again, fortunately, because it works so well for this novel and would have been odd had it been otherwise – the plot is also risible, though this time you’re more laughing at it than with it, as in the case of the entire novel. Even then, I’m highly inclined to say that it has played entirely into McDoniel’s hands. Loose ends are left hanging, the possibility of revelations is left unrevealed – it’s actually a bit of a mess, half-heartedly resolved as it is. But that’s the point! As a whole, An Unattractive Vampire just works.
An Unattractive Vampire is McDoniel’s first novel, and I for one am interested to see where he might go from here: I cannot see another iteration of this type of novel even were he to use another plot altogether.