There’s always been one thing that marks the summer season for me, and thankfully for everyone who is a heat-hater and a (crazy) winter-lover, it’s a sure-fire way to beat the heat. If you can’t get yourself to the beach or a pool, what better way to keep the summer sweat off than heading to the movies? Before you start raising your brows at me, if you’re struggling with the endless string of humidity and… more humidity, sitting yourself down in a dark and way too air-conditioned room for approximately two hours and change does sound nice, no? Plus, there are snacks, and who can’t be convinced by the siren call of snacks?
That’s not the only reason summer brings the theatre to mind, though. With summer comes blockbuster movie season! Sometimes you might get a whole three months of flops, or you could get a marathon of slam dunks like 2024’s release schedule of Deadpool & Wolverine and Alien: Romulus. With the new Fantastic 4 (which if anything, I will solely be seeing for Pedro Pascal) and Superman already hitting the big screen, and movies like Weapons, Freakier Friday, and Nobody 2 soon to release, I have a feeling we might be in for another summer blockbuster season that will ensure no one gives you funny looks for avoiding the sun. But until then, I thought we could look at the blockbusters of years past, so if you’re keen on setting up your haven from the great outdoors, hang onto your popcorn buckets! I’ve polled our staff at VPL for their favorite blockbusters of all time to bring them to you in a head-to-head bracket battle in a search for the Ultimate Summer Blockbuster (subjectively, as I will be sole judge and jury, and box office numbers don’t count). If you’ve got your snacks, let’s dive right in!
In the first bracket, we’ve got the national treasure National Treasure, facing off against the Mission: Impossible movie franchise. It would seem like a herculean task for one very glorious but sincerely campy movie to triumph over an entire film franchise, but since this is a subjective tournament and, as you can probably tell, it has a special place in my heart, National Treasure might just have a fighting chance. Nicolas Cage does his best Indiana Jones impression while running around modern-day Washington in the quest to “steal the Declaration of Independence” (an evergreen Internet meme if there was any) for reasons mysterious, historic, and heroic. Mission Impossible loses the Indiana Jones style of adventure for a more serious, but no less wild plotline, with more daring stunts pulled off by Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt each time as he takes on missions deemed well… impossible, should he and his slowly growing team of secretive government agency misfits choose to accept them. While the Mission: Impossible franchise will keep you in the nice, cool, air-conditioned safety of your home for longer than a single Nic Cage movie (if you decide on a whole-day Tom Cruise movie marathon) there is something to be said about the genuine silliness weaved into National Treasure’s plot and dialogue that more serious action movies like the Mission: Impossibles just can’t beat. If I think of what a summer blockbuster is in my mind, it’s a popcorn-munching movie that doesn’t make you think too much, so I think this battle was over before it started. Sorry, Mr. Hunt.
In the next bracket, we have, oddly enough, the Indiana Jones franchise going head-to-head with 2023’s Barbie. While Harrison Ford’s titular protagonist isn’t looking for any Declarations of Independence, his movie series takes him all over the world to find and recover equally important historical and mystic relics from the Ark of the Covenant to the Holy Grail in whip-cracking action. Indy’s charismatic and charming, and his near-constant complaining about snakes makes for an excellent movie-watching experience. But on the other hand, Margot Robbie’s Barbie is equally charismatic and charming, choosing to see the world with rosy-pink glasses even as she’s forced to travel to the real world to find out why Barbie Land is Barbie-ing a little less than she’s used to. It’s a film that is uber sincere and unapologetically itself, whether it’s being hilariously obtuse about the little things that we just accept or making a heartfelt call to simply understand. While it does have a little more thinking put into it than my usual blockbuster fare, my strongest memory with Indiana Jones was getting traumatized at wee 8 years old by that one scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when they open the ark, so I remember Barbie with much more fondness. Apologies to Indy, but at least for me, Barbie takes the crown.
That brings us to our third battle. In one corner, we have Baby Driver and in the other corner we have the Star Wars classic trilogy (A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi). For anyone who’s a fan of space operas with iconic characters and impressive visual effects that hold up even today, this might be a shoo-in win in your mind. But if you haven’t had the chance to see Baby Driver, it might just give Star Wars a run for its money with its stylish editing, music-focused action, and Edgar Wright’s signature snippy, dry English humor. “Baby” has unfortunately lucked himself into being a getaway driver for a crime boss and his bank-robbing troupe. Suffering from severe tinnitus, “Baby” uses music to get through his day-to-day life, including the wild driving stunts that only he can pull off. That’s where the soundtrack really shines. Every time “Baby” pops his earbuds into his ear, you know you’re in for a diegetic music video as he moves both himself, his team, and his car to the tempo and beat of whatever he’s listening to. It’s something that I’ve never seen done before on film and haven’t seen since, and as I am also in the “Rogue One is the best Star Wars movie” camp, I’m going to have to give the win of this round to “Baby” and his merry band of delinquents.
In our last bracket, we’ve got Jurassic Park going up against Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill; the quintessential dinosaur movie versus a good, no-frills-except-for-the-action revenge flick. Jurassic Park’s wild dinos will still look good on your screen today (and it does get bonus points for being a virtually seamless blend of CGI and practical movie magic) and will inevitably make you think, just for a moment, that maybe having an open park of ancient living, breathing science experiments isn’t such a bad idea (which it always turns out to be). But Uma Thurman’s “Bride” oozes style as she tracks down Bill, the man who murdered her fiancé, in a bloody martial arts-inspired homage to Asian filmmaking. You’re watching movie history without even knowing, and I think that’s pretty darn cool! Since I’ve probably gone against the grain of the classics with all my winners in this bracket battle, I don’t think I should stop here. I hope the “Bride” wears her crown with pride.
Now that we have our qualifiers, it’s time for a rapid-fire race to see who between National Treasure, Barbie, Baby Driver, and Kill Bill is indeed the Best Blockbuster of All Time.
When I gave my judging parameters earlier, I did say that good blockbusters often had thoughtless popcorn-munching as their common denominator. So, between National Treasure and Barbie, as much as they both tackle their plots with genuine fun and sincerity, I think National Treasure hits the homerun on pure, silly entertainment just a little further than Barbie. As for the choice between Baby Driver and Kill Bill, it comes down to basically the same thing. Quentin Tarantino is known for, if anything, wild, gory violence in his movies. It’s his filmmaking signature, and it might not be for everyone. Baby Driver replaces the violence with toe-tapping musical-action numbers filled with the catchiest songs of the ‘50s through the late ‘90s, and while it isn’t the warm and fuzzy kind of flick, it definitely is a bit lower-stakes than watching Uma Thurman’s “Bride” cut down anyone who gets in her way.
Which leaves us with Baby Driver versus National Treasure. I’m sure this would be a tough choice for anyone who is a big fan of both movies and who doesn’t have an automatic fondness for anything that has Nic Cage in it, but I am not that kind of person. So, huzzah! The seriously dumb but seriously fun document-nabbing, Indiana Jones-esque romp from the vault of Nicolas Cage-flavored entertainment is the winning movie and, at least according to yours truly, is the Ultimate Summer Blockbuster.
But hey, I’m just one person, and if you disagree, you can check out some of the other films in our bracket and start your own movie marathon with your heat-averse friends and family to crown a new blockbuster. If you really want to steer clear of the sun for as long as possible, though, why not check out this handy-dandy list below of the rest of our blockbuster staff picks? Until next time, stay cool and enjoy the movies!