Full disclosure, I fear I don’t have a romantic bone in my body. I actively avoid picking up anything “spicy”, meet-cutey, or romantasy (which is all the rage right now), and romcoms tend to make me give the screen a very long stink eye. But to be fair to myself, before you judge me too harshly, it isn’t for lack of trying. Earlier last year I thought to myself “hey, maybe you’re being a little too picky, why not give romance another try”, and I ventured out of my carefully crafted book and film mountain to see what was out there to discover in the pink, red, and heart shaped world of romance. I gave it fifty pages before my instincts kicked in, so one spite-read book with a sadly squandered premise later, I returned to my mountain sure in the fact that the genre just wasn’t for me.

That’s all to say that maybe I’m not the best person to come up with a Valentine’s Day related post. But time’s ticking and it’s only two days away so here we are, you and me, in between a rock and a Hallmark card shaped place. So, I hope you’re ready for a very sincere, from the bottom of my heart, extremely unconventional Valentine’s Day book and movie review where the most overdone romance tropes are turned on their heads. And hey, if you, like me, are tired of the parade of overwrought lovey-doveyness that springs up like weeds at this time of year, maybe these picks will be right up your alley.