In case you’re worried after reading that title, no, I won’t be typing this entire blog post in Pirate. If you want to read that, various sites have you covered, so have fun with that silliness. But this is me we’re talking about, so of course, there’s still going to be some silliness even before it gets piratified, even if I’m only doing a round-up of various pirate-themed (or pirate-adjacent) books and other media we’ve got on our shelves. But before I launch into that, let’s talk about Talk Like a Pirate Day.

First off, we’re probably not talking like pirates. We’re talking like a specific group of pirates: those that came from southwest England. So that’s at least better than talking like completely fictionalized Hollywood pirates; when you’re letting out your loudest ‘Arrrr!’ rest safe in the knowledge that it’s somewhat authentic. Secondly, in case you didn’t follow the link to Wikipedia, it’s been held on September 19th since its inception in 1995. And before you go looking, that date has nothing to do with pirates; it was simply easy to remember for one of the holiday’s founders as it lined up with an ex’s birthday. Thirdly, if you’ve got a Vaughan Public Libraries card, you can talk like a pirate all you want without needing to be one, thanks to our extensive collections. Our Fast Track items help you get hold of the latest trendy book or movie without waiting on a holds list if you can be in the right branch at the right time to find it, that is. So, what are you waiting for? Dive into our pirate collection and let the adventure begin!

Enough delayin’, on wit’ the pirate media!

Does the name the Dread Pirate Roberts strike fear into your heart? Or perhaps it inspires a chuckle and a wide grin. Or maybe you’re one of the lucky 10000 who gets to hear about The Princess Bride for the first time today. This 1987 adventure/comedy/romance/fairy-tale premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival and won the People’s Choice award with its pitch-perfect blend of all of the above elements. Relevant to this post, though, is the character of the Dread Pirate Roberts, a name so feared on the high seas that sailors would rather surrender their treasure than fight and be slain by him. Despite our protagonist being a pirate, there’s a distinct lack of arrs and ahoys. That may be because most of the film takes place on dry land, and the single boat scene’s most iconic noise belongs to the shrieking eels. It’s a very silly, heartfelt, campy movie that straddles a fine line between satire and genre flick. Making it even better is that you can tell that the actors were having a ball with it. It’s also endlessly quotable, so even if you haven’t seen it, you probably know some of the lines already.

We now move from silly, mostly landlubbin’ fun to a slow-burn historical fantasy by a favourite author of mine: Guy Gavriel Kay‘s All the Seas of the World. I have yet to read everything this Order of Canada awarded author has put out, but I have enjoyed everything I have. All the Seas is a standalone sequel to A Brightness Long Ago, which itself is set in the same world as Children of Earth and Sky, which then links back to earlier Kay works in his alternate history/fantasy version of the Mediterranean Sea region. They’re all standalone books, but reviews on this one heavily recommend going through Brightness before delving into Seas. So, besides the appropriate title and my plugging an author, why is this on here? Our main characters are merchants moonlighting as corsairs with a mission to assassinate a political bigwig. As with most of Kay’s books, we don’t see things only from our protagonists’ perspective, and the frequent POV changes help to flesh out the world and remind readers that the story we’re reading isn’t the only one happening; it’s just the one we’re following.

If The Princess Bride is both a send-up of the genre and a genre film itself, The Princess Beard sits firmly in the satire camp. A princess is asleep in a tower awaiting true love’s kiss until she wakes up on her own, cuts off her hair as a means of escape, and joins up with an inhuman crew of pirates captained by a one-eyed parrot. Given the ridiculous nature of the Tales of Pell books, this might be one that can help prepare you for Talk Like a Pirate Day. However, be warned that you might want to stay away from it if you’re not a fan of puns and some sophomoric humour. If you are, though, feel free to jump right in. Beard may be book three in the series, but each book has a fresh cast of characters so you might miss out on some easter eggs, but the story will make perfect sense, or nonsense as it were.

Pirates were, and still are in some areas, a very real threat, so it seems appropriate to mention a non-fiction book before finishing up here. The Pirate King tells one story of Henry Avery, the titular Pirate King, who, in 1696, stole a fortune from a Mughal convoy. Avery evaded capture despite the largest bounty ever placed on a criminal at the time. His sensationalized exploits were published in newspapers, turning him into a folk-hero, popular with the people, even as the authorities wanted him dead. Nobody really knows what happened to him after he pulled off his heist, but Sean Kingsley and Rex Cowan use a letter found in a Scottish record office to argue that Avery had connections to Daniel Defoe, a novelist and spymaster, and Archbishop Thomas Tenison. If these names mean nothing to you, don’t worry; they mean nothing to me either, I’m not exactly a history buff. The book does seem interesting, though. Who doesn’t love a good cold case?

Okay, okay, I feel like if I don’t at least mention the Pirates of the Caribbean movies then someone out there will be very upset with me. As much as the more recent ones have been questionable, the first couple at least were a good time, and there’s some pirate lingo to be learned, so the series is appropriate to the day. I’m also going to throw in The Pirates of Penzance, in large part so I can link to I am the Very Model of A Modern Major General.

‘n wit’ dat, I be goin’ t’ hoist the mainsail ‘n take dis post off into the sunset. Godspeed all next month!