In my attempt to read more non-fiction, I picked up Angela Chen’s Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. I was drawn to the book because I am more often drawn to memoirs than to information guides and I felt that Chen combined these two styles of non-fiction well in writing about asexuality through her experience of it. Not only was this book informative and engaging, it left me with a lot to think about.
For those unfamiliar with what “ace” means, it is the short-form way of referring to asexuality. Asexuality is an umbrella term that generally refers to “not having sexual feelings toward others: not experiencing sexual desire or attraction” (Merriam-Webster). As with most identity markers, this definition does not describe all asexual experiences and individuals but it is a good starting point for those learning about it.
Angela Chen’s book focuses on asexuality, what it is and how we can define it, but it also discusses the idealized notion of romantic relationships. It really unpacks the common notion that relationships have to look a certain way (especially as it relates to physical intimacy). Why do romantic relationships have to have a definitive physical scale? Not only is this harmful for aces trying to find their place in the world, but it can be harmful for allosexuals (the opposite of asexual!) as they have to mold their preferences to fit a certain ideal of what a relationship can be.